Tips on Dining out Safely
- bexyzumba
- Jan 19
- 6 min read
Updated: Feb 5
Dining out.
With friends, family, or loved ones, it's not just a meal, its an event.
Whether it's celebrating a milestone, having a date night, catching up with your friends group, a work dinner or a family reunion, the all around essence is around community, positivity, & food.
Everyone is in a great mood, however living with Food Allergies definitely means looking at things through a different Facet.
Our lens is more focused-on what is on our plate, & going into our bodies.
I am here to say first & foremost, the 3 big words - I get it.
I've seen dining through 3 facets.
Before the change-
I lived most of my life, with Food Freedom.
This doesn’t mean I ate what I wanted at all times, it means I could eat anything without worry of reactions, or hospitalization.
Looking back, ignorance was definitely bliss.
Now, I know- Knowledge is power.
Reading Food Labels, talking with chefs & having a deeper understanding of what you are putting into your body is the most powerful thing you can learn.
Dating a Chef
When dating my now husband, I realized how much time & thought goes into making a meal.
Full appreciation of great food (outside the home-my mom is also a great cook) didn't hit me, until I actually saw my Chef cook a multiple course meal from start to finish. (more on that, in another post)
My Food Allergy Facet
1 year in, I rode in the ambulance with my daughter due to Anaphylaxis. A second time, I Epi'd her myself after she was exposed from cross contact to a trace amount of her allergen.
I myself, recently have had allergies that have gone from reaction by contact, to reaction by ingestion-to nickel.
I also manage various other allergies, not related to food.
My first time seeing Anaphylaxis, was at the young age of about 10.
We were following all of the guidance of our Dr. & allergist.
We were dining out regularly, & most of our experiences went well.
Yet, most of what we learned, was through trial & error. Through life.
After dealing with all aspects of this for years, I have struggled, as I see so many online, confused.
Food Allergy families, feeling restaurants are the enemy.
Restaurants, sometimes feeling those with Allergies ask for too much.
The general public, not only in the dark, but some, extremely heartless & hurtful in their comments.
Living my life between these two roads, I hope to build a bridge with this helpful insight.
I've learned that while a full societal shift seems too far on the horizon, at least those in the community might find this like a ray of sunshine, & I might provide some sense of warmth & comfort to those who deal with this daily.
Here are my tips!
Research first
The menu on the website is your first clue, & biggest ally.
It is a huge perk that we can easily search online to find menus.
Note-Make sure you are looking directly at the restaurants menu, not a third party website (like a delivery app or blog)- restaurants may not have time to always update their third party menu, but their direct website should always be the most up to date.
Call ahead of time
Timing Matters-
Pick a time of day that is not usually busy for the restaurant (typically weekday mornings/early afternoons)
Connection is key-
Ask to speak with the Executive Chef or lead cook if possible.
There's a few reasons for this:
They do most of the ordering & inventory, which means they are in contact with manufacturer's most, they'll know if allergy free subs are in stock, & they will have the most experience under their belt for making safe dishes, beyond mandatory training.
Also, typically it's their name on the line, so they will be the most invested in making sure your dish is safe.
What most people dont know, is Chef's & their teams appreciate if you are open to placing your order ahead of time, & they will probably offer this to you!
This way they can pick a cook they know is the most experienced on the team (or pencil in time to make it themselves), & let the team know ahead of the dinner rush that extra time will be needed to make this dish.
Also, if whoever is on shift hasn't made an allergy safe dish before, they can refresh them on what needs to be done-a separate prep station & tools, properly cleaned everything (utensils, pots, pans, etc) & a clear plan so the dish has no chance of cross contact from start, to finish-when it's placed in front of you.
Note-
Whoever answers the phone, may hesitate to connect you with a chef. Let them know you want to ask if you can dine there safely with your allergy.
Be flexible. If they say they are not available yet, ask if you can email, or make an appointment to call back.
If the Restaurant manager or server assures utters the red flag quote: "I don't think we have (your allergen), you should be fine, you may be tempted to take their word for it…but don’t!
Servers & restaurant managers are strictly what we in hospitality call "Front of the House."
They typically do not have any kitchen experience, so as kind as they may be, they simply don't fully understand our world.
Kindly let them know you would love to speak to the head chef, to be sure.
As with anything, the nicer you are, the more receptive they'll be.
Call again, same day of visit
AM hours, or as soon as they open
Remember, don't wait until they are deep in the dinner rush.
Confirm what time you will be coming.
Order ahead, if you can.
Ordering-Confirm with Server
Let them know you already called & spoke with the chef.
Great places, will have the cook/chef come out to confirm. You can ask for this, if you feel it's necessary.
At the very least, kindly use the words "If you could make sure that is on the ticket."
This is a clear call to action, & a simple way to state how serious this is for you.
And let's face it, ultimately, if the worst happens, this is the documentation showing you did your part by advising of your allergen.
Your plate is here!
The server should automatically reiterate the meal is safe. If not, nicely ask again.
Inspect the plate before you eat.
Mistakes can happen, even with all of these precautions.
If you can see your allergen (IE a crumb, a nut, milk) DO NOT eat around it-let them know.
At this point it is up to you if you want a new plate.
If you do, a smart choice would be to hold onto your plate until they bring a new one.
Personally, we wouldn't risk it & would leave & dine elsewhere.
Your Dinner was a success!
Make sure to thank the server, but also the chef/cook.
If the kitchen isn't accessible & cooks aren't visible, you can ask if you can see them one more time.
This is a great time to also, give a cash tip for the kitchen!
The amount is something you decide. Cooks/Chefs really do all the grunt work, & typically don't get any tips or appreciation directly. Something as small as this, really makes their day.
After all, as someone who knows what goes on in the kitchen-it takes allot of work on the back end, to ensure a safe meal (more on that in another post);
For cooks really dedicated to their craft, they want you to have not only a safe, but an enjoyable experience! Great feedback, is always appreciated.
Closing Thoughts - Why will these tips work?
And finally, the big reveal for this post.
To some, these tips might sound like allot. Why will they work?
If there is any takeaway from this blog, have it be this:
The kitchen is always busy.
And, here's the truth.
I see lots of posts about Food Allergy people asking places, on the spot, if they can be accommodated.
While I fully support self advocacy, I feel they are doing it wrong-you have to help them, help you-by giving advance notice.
If you reach out & even order ahead of time, it makes everyone's lives easier.
You will also get your food faster, and bonus! It will alleviate some of the anxiety of having to ask all this on the spot, in front of your dinner guests.
It might seem excessive to take these extra steps, but you are more likely to get a yes from a restaurant, than a no, if you work with them, rather than putting them on the spot.
Just know-
What they really want, is more business, and happy customers.
Check in with them ahead of time, and I’m sure most of them will welcome you in.
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